I fucked up. I know. But making things right is all I want
Well, its safe to say that not only have the past few weeks been hell, and the past few days have been worse than most everything i have ever gone through. I know that the only thing i have to look forward to if i go back is more annoyance, more drama and more unneeded stress. Believe it or not, the reasons why i am not the “DANGER” that everyone used to know and love are more than clear. Yet most people that call themselves close to me seem to over look them. in fact, most of the shit that has caused me to leave was caused by people “close” to me. the people i SHOULD be able to look to for advice. the people that i brought close because i cared about. the people that just should be there.
so here i am thinking to myself, why should i even try to go back. why even pretend to be happy anymore. why should i surround myself with people that ruin me and have no idea. Yes i said ruin. why do i say ruin? because when people say stupid shit like “wow that was kinda douchey”, most of the time it was deserved but is resolved. now, when people fucking brand you the fuckin douchebag of the school, the douche bag of the family and the douchebag of the group of friends…. guess what, that person soon becomes something that they didnt wanna be. whether i like it or not, everytime i interact with people, MAINLY THE FUCKING PEOPLE THAT I HAVE BROUGHT CLOSER TO MY LIFE THAN I HAVE EVER, im always branded the douche bag. sure nobody is perfect. i do know lately i have become kinda a jerk. but i also know for a fact that unless you talk to me about it, you know NOTHING about what is going on. funny thing is, not one person has talked to me about anything except for the only friend i have and he doesnt even know the full extent of what happened.
this fuckin bullshit is beyond stupid. ive never once thought that in my senior year of highschool, i would have completely broken down to the point where i dont even have the urge to go anywhere. hell, if it wasnt for my past experience with people leaving far far away overnight, i would have gone. i would be long gone. and the sad thing is, i would rather be gone than here. thanks for fucking me over yet again highschool
now that ive ranted what is at the top of my mind, i will go now